Running Mad

Colin and I have reached an interesting point in our relationship. After much stress and strife he finally let me into his thoughts and into part of the darker side of himself. In turn, it's brought my own darkness to the surface.

His coldness stemmed from a thought that I would not forgive him for his past. A past that included a vendetta against a friend that caused him to want to become immortal. Then to further his quest for revenge, he harmed one I hold very dear. It was very difficult to hear but I knew he needed to tell me. Still, I don't know why I was so easily able to forgive this act. It is not everyday you hear that your lover poisoned one of your dearest friends (Thank goodness she had recovered from his attack). Maybe I was able to forgive it so easily because it happened before we met and I know what it means to want to be forgiven for past sins.

Love.   In my many years this has been an emotion that I have failed to understand or had the desire to comprehend.  I am fairly certain that some of my companions and humans have loved me and hoped for my love in return.  But I have always questioned if I was capable of love and of being loved.

Then, not too long ago this beautiful, sexy creature entered my existence and slowly, I began to feel things I did not understand.  Madlyn has a way of making me desire her more than anything I have ever wanted and making me want to put my fist through the wall in frustration at her actions, all simultaneously.  From the beginning, our relationship was complicated.  The fire that we shared led to many nights of passion, resulting in several exchanges of blood.  I had not even realized how strong our bond had become until the evening we began to speak in each other's minds.  Hearing her and feeling her as strongly as I did forced me to step back and question what these feelings were.  Could it be love?  Did I want it to be love?  I found myself beginning to hold Madlyn at arm's length while I tried to sort things out in my own mind and determine what her feelings for me were.  I was not about to profess love for her if the sentiment was not reciprocated.

My frustration only grew as I tried on more than one occasion to get Madlyn to speak what was on her mind.  The tension between us was growing until I finally had enough and had to make up a lie to dismiss her from my presence.  As I sat alone and the thoughts flew through my mind I could only come to one conclusion.  The jealousy, the anger, the desire…it was because I loved her.  And then as clearly as if the words had came from my own mouth I heard her thought from the down the hall.  "Doesn't he know that I love him?!"  There was nothing left to do but go to her.  The fog lifted and everything became clear as I took Madlyn in my arms and kissed her.  And I was finally able to speak the words that had for so long never crossed my lips, "I love you."  Bound by blood and now bound by love.

I had been looking forward to taking Madlyn to the Lughnasadh festival.  It was a small part of my heritage that still lived on that I could proudly share with her.  Though I no longer have a reason to celebrate the harvest I enjoy participating and giving the humans an exhibition of my strength.  I decided to take her to the tent where the handfasting ceremonies take place.  This is an ancient tradition of the festival where couples who are in love are bound in a trial marriage.  At the end of the year they may either part ways or choose to make their binding more permanent.  Perhaps I allowed my imagination to get away from me as we watched the couple, whose love seemed to radiate about them, become one, but I found myself asking Madlyn if she desired to participate.

Her trepidation snapped me back to reality and once again I withdrew from her feeling slightly rejected and slighty insane for what I had just proposed.  Was I losing my mind?  But rather than turn away in response to my coldness, Madlyn drew closer and I could feel the love she had for me.  I could sense that it was love that was laced with fear of being hurt and left alone.  After a few words were exchanged between us, she looked at me, and to my surprise, said that it was what she wanted.  Her eyes grew wide in shock as I offered her my arm to walk to the front.  I always enjoy surprising Madlyn.  As we walked to the front I looked into her eyes and told her that I loved her and I felt her fear begin to fade.

As I lay here next to her, I cannot recall the words that were spoken by the officiant or the words that we said to each other.  I do not remember the others in the tent.  I only remember Madlyn…How beautiful she looked and the love in her eyes.  I cannot deny the nervousness that began to overtake me as I feared that we were possibly making a mistake.  But the reassuring squeeze of her hand as I held them in mine somehow put me at ease.  I recall the feel of the ribbon as it was bound around our joined hands, but I could not tell you the color if I tried.  It was only her and I and the love that we share.

I have never been here before and only time will reveal what comes next.  We venture together into the great unknown.  We are bound.

- Colin

------------------------------

Further Reading: Tipping My Hand -  http://post.ly/ojJv

On Facebook:

Madlyn / Colin

There we were at a crossroads. We both had gotten close to revealing our hand, still neither of us dropped tells. This was the most difficult game I had played in quite some time and I was determined to win. Either he would tell me how he feels or the alternative would be for us to part for a while until we could figure it out. Each hand got more tense and awkward than the next. I had already admitted to him that I thought I was falling in love with him and now it was Colin's turn.

It was in his dungeon, the night after I killed the neighbor and admitted my possible feelings that he upped the ante by saying, "I shall return love," Then just left without any explanation or further words. "Love"? I thought to myself as I rested in my chains that day, smiling. The next evening, I was freed from the dungeon but not the game. I asked him about calling me, "love". "What did you mean by that?" I asked, only to be met with his flat denial and a frustrated sigh. We were at a stalemate and both had to fold. The rest of the evening was tense. I left the bedroom and went to the study, talking to Colin's human assistant, Egan, who really didn't help much with trying to understand the mind of his employer before I rested.

Another night, another hand. All I could think about was him showing just that little bit of emotion. I could tell he was guarding his hand, just as I was. Why would he have gotten so upset and frustrated if he didn't love me, I thought as I awakened to the sound of Colin coming in to the study. I smiled when he walked into the room and tried to make some small talk. He could tell I was trying to avoid the subject, so he asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about. Of course, being foolish, I said no. Again, that frustrated sigh. A sound I was beginning to know all too well. Because he had business to attend to that night, I was asked to leave the room. He raised and I called. Outside the door I could hear him growling and speaking to himself. I hated this separation and lack of discussion. I figured his feelings were the same as mine, but like me he was too stubborn and didn't want to be the one to say the three words first. I couldn't take it anymore. Someone had to show their hand.

I tried so hard to read his thoughts and got nothing. My mind was too crowded with my own struggling emotions, that I couldn't even begin to concentrate on his. Then in a moment of complete clarity a thought crossed my mind, it blared as if I had said it aloud, "doesn't he know that I love him!" My thought must have been heard because Colin burst through the doors of the bedroom and kissed me as if we had been parted forever. Then he said the words I longed to hear, "I love you Madlyn." 

-------------------------------------

On Facebook:

Madlyn / Colin 

I had been feeling a bit deprived and in need of a something fresh from the tap. This want of fresh blood prompted me to I ask Colin if he wouldn't mind us crashing the little party down the way from us to hunt in. He didn't seem too keen on going, but he agreed to accompany me. Soon we were dressed, me a bit less conservative than usual, and wandered out into the night. 

Once we arrived at the house, I walked through the crowd at the party and saw a couple. The man's scent was a mix of revelry and arousal, it called to me. Instead of being more careful, I foolishly stepped between him and his companion, who looked none too pleased about my presence. Wanting to tease Colin a bit, I whispered in the man's ear and walked off with him. To the annoyance of both Colin and the man's lady friend.

It didn't take much to enchant the man. Just looking him in the eyes and speaking softly did the trick. He pushed me against the wall and touched me. I smiled and let him know that it wasn't very nice to touch when we knew so little about each other. One thing I did find out was that he was the host of the party. Soon, I felt Colin beside me and his jealousy was showing. 

Seeing my prey's girlfriend come into the hall and Colin's mood just made me more brazen. I kissed the host before my fangs locked down and I bit into him deeply. Not having tasted the life sustaining sweetness in some time, I could not stop myself from drinking. Leading to the death of the man. Colin grabbed me and I dropped him. It was this shake back to reality that made me realize that I not only killed my prey, I left a witness. 

Colin was furious! He snapped at me about having to clean up my mess and my little game had caused this to happen. I hadn't killed in some time, I was frightened and embarrassed, so against his wishes I ran. When Colin tracked me down, his anger and lust got the best of him and me. I can't fully explain what happened to us last night, but I want to know more about how all of it is possible.

Also see: 

http://msmadlyn.posterous.com/a-gifted-a bility - By Colin Tiernay

I believe that I owe Madlyn an explanation for what happened last night.

I had almost all but forgotten that it was even possible.  It must have been that last bit of blood of hers that I drank that finally made that possibility become a reality.

All vampires have different abilities, just as humans do.  My maker had passed on to me the ability to communicate non-verbally.  It is more a collection of images and feelings that come together to form a thought that can be communicated between a vampire and his child.  He had mentioned that there was a good chance that if I exchanged enough blood with someone that we could share this ability as well.  I have never been one to give my blood freely to anyone, until Madlyn.

Last night, the evening had taken somewhat of an unpleasant turn.  My mind was clouded by anger and lust as I had Madlyn trapped.  As she struggled to free herself from my grasp I bit into her roughly in a fit of rage.  While drinking her blood and feeling her resistance to me I thought of how I desired for her to submit to me.  Suddenly her demeanor softened and she looked at me with surprise in her eyes, questioning me how it was possible that she could hear me in her mind.

At the moment, the only explanation I offered was how strong our bonding had become.

I was curious if this would go both ways and it didn't take long for me to get my answer as I heard her call in my mind as she bathed.

From the pages of my journal... Some sensual content ahead... Enjoy

I never thought I would ever get to travel to Dublin. The city has such history and there I was with Colin on the streets of St. Stephen's Green walking the cobblestone streets and seeing the young pub crawlers making their rounds. At the end of a dark street was a rather plain looking club. Non-descript just to look at it, except for the very unique signage that let the discriminating club-goer know exactly what they would find once they stepped through the doors.

I looked at Colin with a grin, "This reminds me of the hotel in New Orleans, feeling nostalgic?"

The nights we spent in New Orleans unlocked the doors to many of my darkest desires. Some I didn't even know I had and this club made the hotel in NOLA seem tame by comparison. I smiled and stared in awe at all of the eye candy that was all around us. Many different fetishes were represented and being demonstrated on the stages while dancers moved about on the floor. I admit I was nervous and ecstatic when Colin told me he had reserved a private room for us. My fangs had immediately run out at the thought of what he might have planned.

Colin wasted no time taking me back to the private rooms. I wish I had the words to describe some of the sounds and sights I saw on the way. Once we stepped into the room, the mood went from playful to very serious. Colin closed the door loudly behind us and I knew when I heard him say, "Tell me who I am Maddie..." that sharp blades, strong binds and passionate kisses would fill my night, among other things. It wasn't until near sunrise that we came down from our lovers high and rested for the day at the club.

The next evening, soft sheets and the scent of his cologne greeted me as I awakened from my daytime slumber. "Good Evening," I said as I looked over at Colin who was watching me just as he has done nearly every night since I arrived, almost as if he was my protector. And in thinking about it further, in some sense maybe he was. Once I gathered my wits about me, he leaned in to give me a soft kiss and told me that he had something he wanted to talk to me about... I look forward to the chat. 

Kildare, Ireland by MsMadlyn featuring Dorothy Perkins tops

Colin was called out on business to Paris unexpectedly. I had never been to Ireland before, so I decided to take this time to get to know my new surroundings. I grabbed my handy little GPS cell phone and started out of the castle. Some of the valets in his employ had insisted on going out with me. I had to plead with them to allow me to take this time for myself. I like walking alone, always have.

His land is quite vast. My little house in Louisiana has about 7 acres behind it or so but nothing like there is here. It’s not so much a house but an estate. The grounds were manicured and I could only imagine just how green the land was. I always pictured Ireland to be green. I will have to ask if one of the humans could take a picture of the grounds during the day for me to look at. I would like that very much. I walked down the quiet roads in Kildare. Passing by a few churches. I stopped to take a photograph or two. One turned out, the other did not. I was slightly saddened by that. Still It was enjoyable.

While he was away, Colin had roses sent to me. An unexpected gift. I’m finding that he is a bit of a romantic. I like a man with a softer side. It had been some time since I had been, what is the word… courted? I don’t really know what we have, so I guess to say it’s complicated is the easiest way to describe it. Tonight, Colin returned to his home. I was most excited about that and made sure that I gave him a proper homecoming. I couldn’t let the occasion pass and not show him my appreciation for his being such a gentleman, when I had encountered less than such before meeting him. I look forward to continuing to get to know one another. Hopefully he won’t be called away again too soon.

 -

137 years ago this night was a night that I would not quite soon forget. 

As I am traveling with my new companion, Colin, towards his home in Ireland, I remember where I was that fateful night when Daniel appeared again for the first time in a long time. He had made a promise to return to my home in that dust bowl mining town and take me away from all of the insanity that was my life. The saloons, the gunfighters, and the whores that had become a second family to me. I knew nothing else but the streets and Daniel saved me from them as best he could. 

Still in that night when he held me and told me loved me. I had no idea that those words would be the last I'd hear as a mortal woman. He loved me so sweetly that night. Then he bit me. It burned so badly... I can't really describe the feeling because I am not really sure what it was. Sadness? I don't know. I just know I was forced to drink blood and I was bitten by the man that I thought loved me. As I laid there dying, a mob arrived at my door, angry and out for the same blood that I had just taken into my body. I heard Daniel scream as the hoard dragged him in chains out of my little house. 

Not quite the romantic scene many of my dear friends had received when they were made. I did not know what I would become until I awakened a few nights later in a box of wood being buried in the dirt. "Mad Maddie" had died for Madlyn to be born and although I hated him in the beginning for what he took from me, the ability to grow old with a lover or even have a true family, I loved Daniel for what he did give to me, a chance to live better, be better and do the things I had always dreamed. So for that I raise a glass of blood high and give thanks to my maker. Salut Daniel, wherever you are. 

It seems like only yesterday but really it has been quite some time since I last came to you with an update. I hope this satisfies your craving just a little bit. I hope to not be as neglectful of you in the future, dear journal.

My friend, Lola Pendergast, arrived in Las Vegas for a visit. I was surprised to see her. Seems she was to set up business for Hart Industries here in Vegas and she needed a place to just get away and relax for a while as well. Like her, my undead life has just been a whirlwind these past several months. Business has been booming and I’m finding that more of my time is spent on business than pleasure these days. Not that I thought this was a bad thing, mind you. I truly do love my work and my clients. Still it was nice to take a break and Lola’s company has been most refreshing for me. Since I usually spend my nights working or with clients, I did not realize just how much I missed the company of friends. Sin City is quite lonely even though it is a metropolis. The friends that I made in Louisiana, however dear, are just too far away.

Another positive thing about Lola being here is that she introduced me to a most fascinating man, Colin Tiernay, an honest to goodness Irish businessman. He’s tall, gorgeous and a great dancer. We’re just friends right now but there is definitely no denying our attraction.